Brushing two new little teeth

I heard a couple of really sad and scary tales recently of young children (friends’ of friends) having to have rotten milk teeth removed (one child was having to have twenty removed the other needed five taking out). I couldn’t believe it and wondered whether it was parental ignorance rather than negligence to blame.

Loads of kids at the school my children attend seem to be taken regularly to the bakery or the sweet shop after school for a snack (we head home for bananas, milk and peanut butter on toast). Some kids have squash in their water bottles instead of water (a drink they are meant to have with them in the classroom) to slurp on throughout the day. We frequently get given gifts of sweets when a classmate has had a birthday or has been on holiday. My generation of parents seem to be losing the knowledge that lots of sugar = bad teeth.

I was not given many sweets as a child due to the fact that both my parents spent their childhood muching on boiled sweets, gobstoppers and toffee. They now have a mouth full of filings and crowns and have to endure frequent agony at the dentists. We had a box of Quality Street at Christmas and also Turkish Delight. I used to get a small amount of pocket money and used to spend some of it on sweets at the local shop. They were not banned just not around as a matter of course. We never had fizzy drinks in the house but were allowed as occasional treats.

On hearing the sad tales of children with rotting teeth I wondered what I could do better to ensure my kids learn how to take care of their teeth and to make sure I am doing the right thing.

Improvements to be made:

• Dilute fruit juice (recommended dilution is 1:10 according to dentist literature)
• Stop buying squash
• Help with brushing their teeth morning and night – I do a ‘Mummy brush’ after they have attempted to brush their own teeth
• Ask grandparents to no longer buy sweets as a treat
• Suggest kids don’t spend their pocket money on sweets but take them to a charity shop for little toys, a book shop or a toy shop (or eBay as they love browsing the toys on there!)
• Remind them ‘Oooh we’ll have to give your teeth an extra good brush after that’ if they have been eating sweets at a party to help them remember the connection between sugar and bad teeth
• Book 6 monthly dental check ups for all the family
• Use old fashioned disclosing tablets occasionally to show them where they need to do better brushing (they think these are brilliant as they temporarily turn their mouths bright bright blue)
• Set a good example (only scoff chocolate when they are in bed!) and don’t have sugar on cereal, in coffee etc.
• Remember that dried fruits such as raisins, apricots, banana chips are also high in sugar and they are sticky so the residue can remain on the teeth.

It’s nearly the end of what has felt like a very long summer break with my two small twins and their little baby sister. The five year olds return to primary school the week after this and I am slightly ashamed to admit that I’m really looking forward to them being out of the house each day for eight hours. I can’t imagine how home educating families cope with running a household, keeping the children occupied (and learning) and quite often seem to manage to run small home-based businesses too. I obviously have a very long way to go before I can take care of so many important things without whinging about how hard it is and how tired I am.

Having said all that I have really enjoyed not doing the mad morning before school dash to get everyone up, fed, washed, dressed and to the playground by 8.45am. I’ve enjoyed being with the kids at their best not just at the end of the day when they are dog-tired.

As many professionals throughout the world take their holidays in August so businesses tend to slow down during this period and then when full teams of staff are back refreshed and ready to work hard managers often take this time of year to look ahead by conducting performance appraisals and the like.

With only ten more days of summer holidays left I am finding myself writing mental checklists of how I will use the time two of the children are not with me and creating lists of ‘New school years resolutions’ such as ‘Get fitter by going for a 30 minute walk with the baby in the pram each day after dropping the bigger kids off at school’ keep popping into my head and also looking back at this summer holiday – my first actual one but definitely my first as mother of three, and analysing what we could have done differently to make it better.

Here goes:

The Problems:

The main problems were
(a) the windy and rainy weather meaning we were all inside getting annoyed with one another and
(b) my inability to work/write while they were all demanding my attention
(c) one child being very good at playing, thinking of things to do etc while the other child doesn’t really like playing but instead likes to chat chat chat at whoever is near.

I think I’ve done fairly well one keeping on top of housework, cooking, cleaning but have found it more tiring than normal and there does seem to be a constant pile of folded laundry waiting to be put away.

The Successes:

Training the kids to take bowls through after breakfast, to get dressed, brush teeth, get dressed, make beds, put pyjamas under pillows. Also have enjoyed sending them out for ‘playtime’ after lunch each day despite one kid really not being keen on playing outside. Have also given myself a thumbs up for the near total tv ban for the last 5 weeks except for allowing a dvd film borrowed from the library to watch when I needed to do some work on the computer. I’ve done painting with them, cooking, taken them to stay in London with friends and to Bristol to visit their much loved relatives.

I used the general formula of using mornings to be at home to let the kids play freely & for me to be knee deep in jobs (washing, cleaning, cooking, business essentials) and then used the afternoons for one of the following:
- Vist the library to change books, borrow a dvd or just hang out (the kids did the nationwide ‘Team Read’ scheme with posters, games, stickers and a proper certificate at the end which they LOVED)
- A walk/feed ducks
- A visit to a local playground (none within walking distance so involves a car journey with bottles of water & snacks)
- A friend to visit or visit a friend
- Bake some cakes or make some other food chosen by the children by looking in their cookery books
- Food shopping (WITH a very strict list so I can bat off requests like ‘can we have stringy cheese please?’ with ‘No sorry its not on the list’)

Improvements for future holidays:

Keep this amazingly comprehensive list of ideas for keeping sane with young children during school hols printed out and to hand from Mumsnet. Summer Holiday Survival Tips.

Have playdates arranged with their friends as they seem to play so nicely when their is a gues in the house and usually the friend’s mother will take my kid(s) off my hands another day in reciprocation (I did wonder why mum’s were handing me post it notes with dates to come and play at the end of term but now realise that these mothers have older kids too and must have learnt ages ago the hard way like me this summer that playdates are a lifesaver). I shall plan more into the calendar next time.

Find a willing/able local teenager to come and be a mother’s help a few times a week during the longer holidays. This idea came from my stay with friends in London who have enlisted the services of local lovely girls to simply play with their tinies and sort out disputes over dressing up clothes etc. This will hopefully enable me to get a few vital chores or business work done.

Plan to take two weeks off somewhere in the middle of the holidays. We did this by accident and it was great. The first two weeks at home and preparing for the away weeks, then away, then back again and into the home stretch and getting ready for back to school.

Realise that these are precious years and times. I will never again have a summer holiday with five year old twins. They will be bigger each year and I’m sure I will forget the lost tempers, cross words, never ending chores and drop-down exhaustion but will try so hard to remember the cuddles, the funny stories, the hanging out in dressing up clothes/no clothes (them not me) and threatening them with taking 5p off their weekly pocket money and it working!

Finally the words (heavy French accent) of my mum’s friend years ago keep coming into my mind – her thoughts on the end of the summer holidays:
“The children are sad, the teachers are sad but the mothers – they are very very ‘APPY!”

My (five year old twin) kids come home shattered after school and its all I can do to get them to eat a jam sandwich and a glass of milk, play for a little while before they are up to have their bath at 5.30, a quiet play and a read in their bedroom, a few stories and poems from me and lights out for 7pm.

Some of their little five year old friends have loads of classes after school and on the weekend too. Its not for us as we like being flexible to our whims and moods. I started playing the piano when I was five (probably due to my musical grandmother insisting) and I used to hate having to practice for 20 minutes each night in a cold empty dining room. I’m now extremely grateful that I can read music and can bash out a few old favourites so I would like my kids to start learning a musical instrument one day but not right now.

we’re now half way through the school summer holidays. The children have had a few play dates, we’ve met some of their chums in the local fruit farm for a run around and an ice cream, we’re off to see old friends in London for a few days and another trip to see the grandparents in Bristol but for me the fact that they are off school doesn’t mean I am dropping everything to keep them entertained. We are not spending huge amounts of money on day trips to special places (although we will be going to see some Dr Who exhibition in a town 30 miles from here as I have broken under the constant pressure from a very persistant, verbal five year old Dr Who fan in my house).

I still have to keep the house clean, make meals, do grocery shopping, feed the baby, do the financial admin for my husband’s internet software business so when the kids come to me complaining of being bored I don’t feel guilty for not ‘doing’ more with them. I point out that they have a big back garden with a climbing frame, a swing and a willow den. They have more books than I do, a huge craft cupboard full of stuff to make, paint draw, another cupboard full of games and yet another full of jigsaw puzzles. Still more boxes of musical instruments, cars, super heros, dolls etc etc etc. They also have each other which must be brilliant.

The tv in their playroom (oh yes they also have a dedicated playroom when it isn’t doubling up as our guest room) is ‘broken’ (unplugged) but occasionally I will let them watch a dvd or tv (especially when its raining and/or I have some pressing phone calls to make) in our grown ups front room.

More often than not shortly after I hear ‘Mummy what can I do I’m bored?’ (one child especially out of the pair finds it very hard to occupy themselves) I hear the biggest giggles or some actually quite nice music sounds coming from the piano or guitar or I’ll find them snuggled up under a sheet with all their millions of soft toys. It is said that creativity is a close relation to boredom.

I’m not totally neglegent. If I leave them to it for the morning and get my housework (they’re getting better at helping now) and my paid work done we’ll eat lunch together and then spend the afternoon feeding the ducks, having a play in a playground, visiting the librar, making something from one of their coobooks etc.

It doesn’t sounds very exciting but I don’t see why it should be exciting. I’m enjoying seeing them discover themselves and as I keep saying to myself when they make a lot of noise or mess they will be grown up for a lonnnnnng time and they will be able to join as many music and sports classes as they like then.

We’ve now had to ban any tv watching in our house since a recent incident at our friend’s 40th party made us realise Morris’ addiciton had affected all of us and spoilt what was a lovely occasion with loads of children and adults having fun (he sobbed, fumed, threatened constantly for over an hour when he realised there would be no option to sit inside to watch ‘just 1 minute’ of his beloved CBeebies. With little information on what to do if your 5 year old is so attached to telly watching that he can’t survive a fun afternoon without it we decided he and the rest of us needed to go cold turkey and live without it, and any kind of computer (the kids not us), until at least the end of the school term.

Amazingly after a couple of days of pleading with me to watch it, being sad and droopy on coming out of school knowing he’d be without his fix he now comes home and Does Interesting Things and plays with his two sisters. All three of them play together so nicely. I’m not sure how we’re going to reintroduce tv especially when I have been guilty of using it as a babysitter especially since January when the new baby arrived or during the school holidays when I’ve had some work to do.

The first day of withdrawal I let them have the remaining 30+ set of Mr Men books I had bought for them at a book sale when they were very tiny. They have loved putting them in order, hearing all the stories and generally leafing through them.

We have started planning fun, non-tv activities which will not cost a fortune to look forward to in the holidays. I have promised that the tv will be allowed again once the school holidays begin but it is likely to only be before breakfast. The room where their tv is has now been turned into a guest room.

The kids agreed that they will help me keep the house a nice place to live in and in return I will take them strawberry picking once a week (and have told their classmates’ mums that we will be doing this each Wed at 10am if they want to join us), we will try making new things in the kitchen (melted chocolate muffins and caramel popcorn being high on the list), we will maintain the school concept of ‘playtime’ after their lunch so they get outside for a while even if it isn’t gorgeous weather, we will go for walks up the local hills (there are many), we will feed the ducks, go to a Saturday morning cinema matinee (£1 per child and adults free apparently), we will visit the Roman Baths in Bath, we’ll stay with their Aunty who has generously offered to babysit for a day and take them to the city farm, we will use their many many toys (puzzles, crafts sets, cars, dolls, dressing up clothes, musical instruments) and those they don’t enjoy we will take to a charity shop, I will read them the first Harry Potter book, they will read to me, we will dance to my CD collection, we will make up tunes on the piano, we will explore nearby towns we haven’t yet visited, we will have picnics, we will not turn into tv junkies.

I liked this blog when trying to find out more about actual TV addiction:

Television Addiction: Dealing with the only form of addiction that society condones and encourages.

A fortnight ago I went to meet my ninety four year old Grandma off the train from Weymouth in Bristol Temple Meads train station which is pretty big with thirteen platforms. Prior to our previous rendez-vous in October I had reminded her of the policy for her to stay put if she alighted from the train and I wasn’t there to meet her. This time I had forgotten to reinforce this and due to a mix up of late trains arriving at wrong platforms I was waiting on platform 11 with a pre-booked wheelchair and friendly station staff to push her while she got off the train at platform 8 and wanderered off and out of the train station trying to find me (she actually ended up in a taxi but luckily we fouond her before she whizzed off into rainy Bristol).

It made me think that I hadn’t told my kids recently of my personal preferred procedures to follow if they ever get seperated from us or the people looking after them.

• They are to stand still the minute they realise we are not with them & to know we will be looking for them the minute we realise they are not with us
• They are to shout our name (not ‘Mummy’) as everyone is called mummy.
• I am not embarrased to shout their names loudly the minute they might be lost (very easy when they are small in a shop full of people and rails of clothes). Usually I very quickly hear a ‘Yeah?’ when I call them.
• They are not to go with anyone who tells them they can help find their mummy. They are to say ‘No, I’m not allowed to go anywhere with strangers. My mummy/daddy will find me her.’
• If they see me over the other side of the road they are not to cross but to wait for me to see them. It will help if they shout and wave.
• I do have a couple of wrist bands with my mobile phone number on but since we left London I haven’t used them

I generally am on full red-alert whenever I’m out of the house with my children and constantly ask them to hold the trolley/pram, or my hand and if they aren’t I’m always looking to see where they are and telling them to stay with me as I can’t look after them if they aren’t close. It’s well worth the effort and peace of mind

The strange thing about having twins is that although you have two children – which many would consider to be *plenty* it is wierd that they pass the same ages and stages at the same time and the knowledge and experience gained first time round cannot then be reused for a younger sibling. The huge wealth of parenting know-how built up over the first four years of having the twins helped us to decide that for us, another baby would (probably) be lovely. It felt like someone was missing, and we really could imagine ourselves in years from now having three grown up children round the dinner table rather than two. A friend of ours who also has twins who are now teenagers says he and his wife do look back and wonder why they didn’t have another to follow up the rear.

I came across this great writer in doing the research and her column about having three young children. It made me laugh and made me realise how busy/noisy/messy/relentless/exhausting having another baby would be…
Jennifer Eyre White

Like a Train Wreck (But In A Good Way)

By Jennifer Eyre White

I’ve been writing my column for a couple of years now, and this one is my last. I’ve had a blast writing for Literary Mama, and my favorite thing about being a columnist has been the emails I’ve gotten from other parents. A few of these lovely people have even asked me for advice on whether to have a third child. Since I have trouble figuring out whether I should have had a third kid myself — even 16 months after the fact — I’m probably not qualified to offer an opinion.

But if I were going to offer one, I’d start by asking some questions. Questions like, “How close are you to a Starbucks drive-through?” “Do you have easy access to a variety of high-quality medications?” “Are you comfortable with the idea of needing a cattle prod — or possibly a border collie — to control your herd of young?”

Lately I’ve been thinking that the most important question I should ask is, “What’s your tolerance for noise?” Because the difference between two kids and three is about 80 decibels.

[More...]

On Having Three Kids

By Jennifer Eyre White
http://www.literarymama.com/columns/degreesoffreedom/archives/000336.html

Where I live, just north of Berkeley, hardly anyone has more than two kids. I suspect it’s because so many families have two career-oriented parents, and kids are really bad for careers. Or maybe it’s because it’s so expensive to raise kids here. I dunno. Anyway, when Kennard and I decided to have our third child, we became something of an anomaly in our social circle. And after little Kirby was born six weeks ago, a lot of our friends started asking us, what’s it like having three kids?

Here’s what it’s been like so far.

1. With three kids in the family, someone is always grumpy. Often, everyone is grumpy. When Kirby was five days old, we went on a family outing to Copeland’s Sports Store (I’m having trouble remembering why we thought that was a good idea or what we wanted there). On the 15-minute drive home in the minivan, Kirby was screaming and Ben was whining, “I wan dat bike, I wan dat bike!” (we had made him get off dat bike and leave it at dat store). Riley was sulking in the back seat because we wouldn’t buy her a sandwich at Togo’s. Kennard looked at me and said, “Our family is starting to sound like the seven dwarves — Screamy, Whiney, Sulky, Grouchy, and Sleepy.” I’d like to think that I was Sleepy and he was Grouchy, but I can’t be sure.

2. I hate it when people advise me to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” What am I supposed to do with the other kids? Tie them up in the back yard?

3. Having three kids cuddled up to me on the couch feels like heaven.

4. There is always a little person in need of something. Food. A drink of water. A boob. A bath. A hug. A mouth, nose, or bottom wiped. A timeout. Electroshock therapy. Oh no, sorry, that’s me.

5. La Leche League’s book on “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” doesn’t tell you how to nurse in combat situations. There is advice on keeping a toddler occupied while you nurse an infant, but that’s not my problem. My problem is supervising two additional kids who often view nursing as an opportunity to try to maim each other. What I really needed a couple of days ago was something along the lines of: “If, while you are nursing your newborn, your toddler and school-aged child become engaged in a vicious fight over a pair of children’s scissors, with your toddler attempting to stab his sister and the sister biting him on the arm hard enough to raise welts, do X-Y-Z.”

What I did was to yell, “STOP THAT!” followed by, “STOP THAT GODDAMIT!” with no noticeable effect. I considered treating them like labrador retrievers and dumping a bucket of water on their heads. I considered ignoring them and letting it be a painful learning experience, one possibly including an educational trip to the emergency room. Finally, I lurched up from the couch, cradling Kirby in the crook of one arm so as not to dislodge him from my breast. I stomped over to Riley and Ben, pulled them apart with my free hand, and dragged the wailing Ben across the room to get him away from his sister. Problem solved, but I couldn’t help wondering if there was a more elegant approach.

My tenacious little Kirby managed to hang on and maintain suction throughout the entire episode, though he must have felt like he was nursing on the high seas. His little head bobbed up and down, and he briefly opened one eye to look around, but he never let that nipple go. The bad news is that my nipple is now half an inch longer. The good news is that if this keeps up I’ll soon be able to leave Kirby on the sofa with my nipple and it will stretch far enough for me to reach all the rooms in the house.

6. The third kid gets dragged around a lot. Our schedule looks like this: Take Ben to preschool. Take Riley to school. Pick Ben up. Pick Riley up. Take Riley to soccer or ice skating. Take Riley home. Do big families homeschool just to cut back on car trips?

7. Riley and Ben have become closer. Since I’m so tired and frequently nursing, I’ve begun recruiting Riley to help take care of Ben. She brushes his teeth in the morning and helps him get dressed. She holds his hand at the grocery store. One weekend she spent the night in his room, then got up with him at six the next morning. She poured him a bowl of Cheerios and turned on his Bob the Builder video and only woke me up an hour later when he began throwing things at her. She suddenly seems older and more competent. More confident. More useful.

8. Both of the kids — and in fact all the kids we see — adore Kirby. There’s just something about a newborn that no-one can resist. Even a grouchy and sleepy third-time mom like me.

[Jennifer Eyre White is an engineer-turned-mostly-stay-home-mom with three kids: Riley (9), Ben (3), and Kirby (3 mos). She can be reached at jennifer_eyre@yahoo.com.]

For us, only three and a half weeks into being a family of five I am already keenly aware of just how much extra housework one small person can add to the existing load – especially if that extra person is renowned for being sick over everything they touch at least five times a day and is getting through six or seven washable nappies. The washing machine is permanently on, every radiator, railing and clothes airer are draped in clothes, the tumble drier is on a lot (compared to not at all for the last 18 months). Admitedly it is freezing cold weather and soon we can use the outside washing line.

Meanwhile the five year old members of the household are practically ferral downstairs, the tv is on whenever they want (all the time), they have had to learn how to help themselves to snacks and drinks (crackers, dried fruit and nuts handily located in a low down cupboard as are non-spilling bottles of water, plastic plates and dishes, the fruit bowl always piled high with little apples, pears and bananas). Of course with a small baby needing to feed eight or so times a day for prolonged periods there are far fewer opportunities to tidy up after the bigger kids so the breakfast room floor in our house seems to now always be awash with crumbs, craft materials, felt pens with their lids missing, random socks, shoes, toys. I used to vacuum once a day and now I’m lucky if I find the time to do it once a week. Their playroom (thank goodness we are lucky enough to have one) is a grim sight indeed with all the toys out over the floor, cupboards and their boxed contents open wide and nobody suggesting they should tidy a little. Hooray for being able to shut the door on it and pretend it doesn’t exist!

I feel bad that I’m spending less time with them but thankful they have each other and are such good friends. I always wanted to raise independant kids who are creative enough to entertain themselves when needed. This is a period of adjustment for all of us (not least the baby who has arrived in a very strange loud world compared to the watery muted place she resided in for so long) but so far very much enjoying the challenge of being mummy to three lovelies and can distract myself from the amount of constant chores easily (and reduce myself to hormonal, emotional tears) by just thinking of the many years when they have all grown up and left home and our house is spotless, quiet and tranquil. Their childhoods and time with us here will be gone in a flash I suspect so I try to cherish the experiences good and bad.

I’m officially 12 weeks pg today and saw one live baby waving at us on the ultrasound machine today so am now allowing myself to think ahead with the practicalities of budgeting for the rest of this pregnancy and hopefully a new arrival in 6 months time…

1. Thrifty pregnancy testing.
Instead of forking out on a pricey pack of tests from the chemist (£10 per pack I think). I waited until my period was definitely late and then popped into the doctors. This was free. SAVING £10

2. No buying pregnancy magazines or books.
The magazines are all rubbish anyway as are just an excuse to advertise merchandise and are otherwise the same each issue (I may out a note out on Freecycle offering to take old pregnancy mags of people’s hands). SAVING £3 x 10 issues = £30. I can see the local library has a good stock of pregnancy/baby related books too so I will borrow a few of those rather than buying brand new as I did last time (only to give away a year later).

3. Telling friends who have had babies that we are in the market for any cast-offs they would otherwise be taking to a charity shop/Freecycle.
Have so far had offers of a moses basket, clothes, bouncy chair. We hope to also scrounge a baby carrier, door bouncer from somebody who no longer needs them. SAVING = £100’s
4. Charity shops and nearly new sales for maternity clothes & baby clothes.
My mum has already picked up a few things to fit my expanding waistline. I’ve told her anything from Next in a size 12 will be acceptable. She lives near to about 50 up market charity shops and volunteers in one too so I’ve tapped into a particularly rich seam there!I don’t think I’ve ever *needed* to buy new clothes for my kids as our parents have been so kind in bringing us bundles of nearly new clothes from charity shops but I do remember that it was very hard to go past the tots’ clothes in our local Tescos without being tempted or succumbing to their charms. This time we have no shops selling kids clothes near us so with a bit of luck I’ll not be tempted. I shall instead make a beeline for local NCT sales as they are reputed to be good for barely worn small people things. SAVING = £100’s

My friend Ruth and her partner managed to get a perfectly decent pram for £25 from the local newspaper. It doesn’t have this year’s must-have colour scheme but her 4 month old hasn’t noticed yet and sleeps like a log the minute he’s in it.

5. No buying of baby toys.
Now our house has a scattering of toys wherever I look I’m finding it hard to believe that I did buy my kids toys and books when they were still only very small babies. I have a lovely book called “Entertaining & educating your preschool child” (Usbourne) which shows you all the fascinating things you can make for tots out of boxes, ribbons, cotton reels and the like.Our new charge won’t need much in the way of toys as his older siblings have so much but also I now know that newborns actually don’t need stimulating every moment they are awake, they just like to watch, listen and snuggle.

6. No baby room accessories.
A baby or child really can thrive amazingly well despite not having fully coordinated fabrics, rugs, pictures, ruffles, frills, sleeping bags, cot bumpers, matching curtains… Incredible. This theory has been well tested in our house so, no, we won’t be taking out a Mamas & Papas store card. In fact shhhhh don’t tell the newbie if & when it arrives but it won’t actually have a room at all, it will stay in the guest room/my office when no-one is visiting and will bunk up with the bigger kids when guests are in town. SAVING = £100’s

7. Reusable nappies
Apparently expensive to buy if you buy them newand then do increase the amount you spend on washing machine electricity, detergent but surely not as Ow! as adding a hugely expensive packet of disposables to the weekly shop. There is a market for second hand reusable nappies on eBay.

8. Breastfeeding not bottlefeeding.
Not actually free as some of the propaganda suggests as you still need to purchase nursing bras, sterilisers, pumps & bottles (if anyone other than you is going to be allowed to give the baby some milk), pads etc. but certainly much much cheaper than a couple of £8 vats of powdered formula each week.

9. Less or no baby food jars.
Last time round I was working full time and would collect the tired hungry babies from nursery at 5.30-6pm. There was just enough energy to grab a couple of jars of baby food from the local chemist on my dash from the tube to the day nursery and to then feed them direct from the jars (cold) before they had their bath & bedtime. I assume this time I’ll be able to puree food that we’re eating and give to the smallest charge instead of buying prepared food for it. SAVING = £100’s

Things that we will have to budget to buy new:
Cot & pram mattresses (as recommended by cot death prevention charities);
Car seat (well actually we have one of the twin’s old one’s in the loft, I’m just hoping its not the one the cat piddled in);
Nursing bras.

See also ‘How to stop your baby wreaking eco havoc’ (Guardian Unlimited Sept. 2006)

Do you think there is a conflict between your desire to be green, and to have more children?

e.g. see : http://observer.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,2036598,00.html

David.

BUT then I read the article and was dumbfounded to learn that the debate on how to reduce or halt the predicted population explosion (lets face it is already happening in a big way as I reported 12 years ago in my degree level dissertation on the effects of uncontrolled population growth upon the environment which is needed to support human life) is simply not taking place at any level.

When I was studying environmental science at university in the early 1990s I couldn’t understand why no-one in the media was as fearful for the Humankind’s future survival on our planet & even remember people denying that there was any cause for concern at all. Really I shouldn’t be surprised to hear that the tough discussion about how we are to keep human population numbers to a managable level hasn’t even begun yet alone. Shocking though.

It’s such a strange situation that in less economically developed countries especially, very little money (for contraception) or education is available to help women and their families know that they can choose to have a smaller number of children if they wish.

Strangely it was only yesterday evening, before receiving this comment, while reading The Times Book of Space to my (way too young) four year olds I recalled my undergraduate fears and near obession about the terrible fate of humans if no-one in power started doing LOADS to stop the uncontrolled growth of our numbers. Especially in areas of the world where resources are scarce. I came across a page which told us how many people live on our planet (approx 6 billion) and that by 2050 there is likely to be twice this number. Blinking back the sudden tears I had to explain to the children that Yes, 6 billion is a bigger number than one hundred and eighty.

In answer to the (slightly tactless) comment about my desire to have more children (do I? I’m not sure. I was pregnant, now I’m not. <shrug>) and whether it conflicts with my desire to be green… Hmmm. It certainly crossed my mind more than once in the past that each person I create & raise increases the population by an unknown number dependant on how many offspring they have and so on (eg. my 93 year old grandma is now responsible for 8 people existing all of whom would have saved places on this planet if she’d never had kids).

My final thought is that I’m doing my little bit and my best no matter how small an impact that actually has on the saving our life-giving environment. This means I feel a tiny bit less awful about humans’ impending doom; my kids are well versed in the importance of living responsibly on the Earth (only today when we had to make an emergency plea to the bemused owner of the local laundrette if we could use his toilets today. As we came back through from his store rooms son asked me loudly ‘Mummy why does he use enormous boxes of washing powder which will hurt and kill the fishies?‘ while my daughter said thank you to him). Bealers and I like the idea of having three kids, especially because we had twins first time round and feel that another person is somehow missing.

I also feel that the Earth’s environment is going to need hell of a lot of good people who care to clean up the awful mess that’s been created and I’m rasing bright, strong healthy, aware children who will be in a position to do this. If we do have one more baby it will not be my fault that one day in the future humans will struggle to survive and will probably become extinct it will be because of eejits like George W. Bush who could have made a big difference but chose not to. Or will it? Oh god the guilt of caring so much…

All comments to this blog are always very gratefully received. Thanks to David for making my student passions come alive again.

Further reading:

• I was a little obsessed by Julian Huxley while at university. He was the brother of Aldous but a great Humanist, Environmentalist and generally very interesting man.
• http://www.overpopulation.org/
  

  It took the US 200 years to go from 7 babies per family to two. “Bangladesh has [nearly] done that in 20. Iran has more than halved its fertility rate in a decade.”
  Carl Haub – Population Reference Bureau

  Before, we didn’t know how to control pregnancy, we didn’t have the education, and people in the area were having nine or ten children. We have 18 families and no one has more than three children. The health of the children and mothers has improved, and so has the spacing of babies. Everyone understands the importance of family planning now. Vincente Jarrin and Maria Juana Jarrin Malca, Husband and Wife Family Planning Promoters in Pasquazo Zambrano, Ecuador
  2005
  

• Population and the Environment: The Global Challenge
  By Don Hinrichsen and Bryant Robey
  As the century begins, natural resources are under increasing pressure, threatening public health and development. Water shortages, soil exhaustion, loss of forests, air and water pollution, and degradation of coastlines afflict many areas. As the world’s population grows, improving living standards without destroying the environment is a global challenge.

I took the sickness to be a sign that everything was progressing as expected so had a really bad shock when the sonogrpher broke it to us at our 12-week scan that she was ‘afraid I don’t have good news for you’ and the little bean had expired the previous week without my body realising.

A whirlwind of hospital appointments and weeping followed and then I was home again to look after the twins and to tell my mum. I wasn’t going to say anything to the kiddies but then remembered that I have a general policy of not lying to them and telling them in straightforward language the ways of the world when they enquire.

Mo kept asking me if my tummy was better (we’d told him I’d gone to hospital so the doctor could take a look at it) and in the end I took a deep breath and explained that there had been a tiny baked bean sized baby growing in my stomach but that it had been poorly and had died. They both started crying claiming that they wanted a baaaaaby but 30 seconds later were fine and asking what was for tea.

It felt much much better being straightforward with them and if I’m ever pregnant again I’ve vowed not to hold off telling close friends and family (especially my mum) as they miss out on the exciting anticipation and besides its too much of a struggle coping with the first trimester in secret when all you want to do is go to bed with a bag of fizzy sweets.

Tiny Footprints on a Mother’s Heart

When a baby arrives,
be it for a day, a month, a year or more,
or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the secret swell of a new pregnancy
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed…
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart
bespeak your name as Mother.

The Miscarriage Association

Before going to school today neither of my 3 year olds knew of the existence of many of the toys they later were frentically ripping and sticking and insisting Santa would be bringing them on the 25th December. As I escorted them out of their classroom I fixed my grin and commented loudly to them and their teacher that it was marvellous to like so many things so Father Christmas would have a lovely range to choose ONE from. I was quietly livid that our kids had been exposed to the wicked world of blatant overproduction when we have gone to quite big lengths to keep them away from shops, tv advertising and the idea that small people living in this society should learn to expect so much when so many people in the world have so little.

The children are aware that it is Christmas for the first time in their little lives and we are really enjoying setting up traditions which will presumably last for their entire childhoods (eg. the annual retrieving of the Christmas decorations from the loft, the singing of the carols and listening to Christmas CDs, making and sending cards and gifts, seeing loads of favourite people, getting a tree and so on) but someone else putting the idea that they are are at liberty to dictate what will be given to them with little regard for how much it would cost has made me feel angry. I wanted my kids to be thrilled with the few choice presents Bealers and I have bought for them (a kiddie torch each, Guess Who game, Shrek play doh some 2nd hand books, 2nd hand duvet sets and a couple of bug catcher/microscope thingies) but now feel slightly worried that the expectations they have will not be met.

I know that their pre-school teachers have a tiring day and it has been a long term and they all have their own Christmases to organise at home but to me this is slightly lazy teaching which the children could have done without. If they had been asked instead to draw pictures of things they might wish for or maybe just had a chat about how the whole Christmas giving and receiving things with love works I’d have been completely cool but instead I’m a tad worried about the quiet chat I feel I’m needing to have with the pre-school teachers about why I’m annoyed. Generally when I have such chats I end up feeling like the freak with old-fashioned principles but as they are principles I most probably will and should say something in case other parents feel the same way and to save future classes of pre-schoolers from thinking that each and every desirable thing can and will be theirs each Christmas!

The ironic thing is that this morning as we got up both children wailed ‘We don’t want to go to school’ and yet again I questioned myself as to why I was sending them and what could they learn in a large class that I couldn’t teach them at home…

I hope I don’t sound like a whinging anti-fun mummy today or that I’m making a big deal out of a very small incident but I do feel increasingly concerned about the way the end of year festival is celebrated by endless shopping when really it could just be a jolly time to get together, eat some lovely things, light a lot of candles and yes enjoy receiving the odd treat which otherwise would not be something we’d have.