We’ve now had to ban any tv watching in our house since a recent incident at our friend’s 40th party made us realise Morris’ addiciton had affected all of us and spoilt what was a lovely occasion with loads of children and adults having fun (he sobbed, fumed, threatened constantly for over an hour when he realised there would be no option to sit inside to watch ‘just 1 minute’ of his beloved CBeebies. With little information on what to do if your 5 year old is so attached to telly watching that he can’t survive a fun afternoon without it we decided he and the rest of us needed to go cold turkey and live without it, and any kind of computer (the kids not us), until at least the end of the school term.

Amazingly after a couple of days of pleading with me to watch it, being sad and droopy on coming out of school knowing he’d be without his fix he now comes home and Does Interesting Things and plays with his two sisters. All three of them play together so nicely. I’m not sure how we’re going to reintroduce tv especially when I have been guilty of using it as a babysitter especially since January when the new baby arrived or during the school holidays when I’ve had some work to do.

The first day of withdrawal I let them have the remaining 30+ set of Mr Men books I had bought for them at a book sale when they were very tiny. They have loved putting them in order, hearing all the stories and generally leafing through them.

We have started planning fun, non-tv activities which will not cost a fortune to look forward to in the holidays. I have promised that the tv will be allowed again once the school holidays begin but it is likely to only be before breakfast. The room where their tv is has now been turned into a guest room.

The kids agreed that they will help me keep the house a nice place to live in and in return I will take them strawberry picking once a week (and have told their classmates’ mums that we will be doing this each Wed at 10am if they want to join us), we will try making new things in the kitchen (melted chocolate muffins and caramel popcorn being high on the list), we will maintain the school concept of ‘playtime’ after their lunch so they get outside for a while even if it isn’t gorgeous weather, we will go for walks up the local hills (there are many), we will feed the ducks, go to a Saturday morning cinema matinee (£1 per child and adults free apparently), we will visit the Roman Baths in Bath, we’ll stay with their Aunty who has generously offered to babysit for a day and take them to the city farm, we will use their many many toys (puzzles, crafts sets, cars, dolls, dressing up clothes, musical instruments) and those they don’t enjoy we will take to a charity shop, I will read them the first Harry Potter book, they will read to me, we will dance to my CD collection, we will make up tunes on the piano, we will explore nearby towns we haven’t yet visited, we will have picnics, we will not turn into tv junkies.

I liked this blog when trying to find out more about actual TV addiction:

Television Addiction: Dealing with the only form of addiction that society condones and encourages.

When we first had the twins 5 years ago I was ready to put both babies out for collection with the glass recycling by the time we’d had them at home for 10 weeks. I could never leave the house, one or other or both were always crying, finding time to get myself dressed let alone getting teeth brushed and deodorant applied was tricky. On top of this we were invariably up feeding at least two – four times each night. For us it was hellish.

Respite came in the form of discovering Gina Ford and her miraculous baby routines when a copy of the TAMBA (Twins & Multiple Birth Association) magazine arrived with an article entitled ‘Do Parents of Twins Ever Sleep Again?’.

The article was all about introducing a tried and tested regular daily routine which meant each baby was fed before it was screaming the house down with dehydration/hunger, each baby was settled into their cot with curtains drawn at the precise moment they showed signs of being tired and the parents were secure in the knowledge that there would be several baby-free slots in the day (nap times) where essential chores could be achieved as well as the frequently overlooked tasks of eating & drinking (especially important for nursing mothers) and ‘luxury’ tasks like brushing hair, cooking dinner, speaking to a member of the outside world on the phone could be fitted in, even anticipated!

Five years on our kids are still in the same Gina Ford routine but obviously with no milk feeds or daytime sleeps. They get up at 7am (never before) and are in bed snuggling down for sleep at 7pm. In between they have breakfast at 7.30am, lunch at 12 noon and tea at 5pm. It works for us still as we rarely have kids whingeing due to hunger/tiredness and we also have the luxury of every evening being For Us.

With the imminent arrival of a teeny new baby I’m not brave enough to be relaxed and laid back like many of my friends have been about when their baby sleeps and eats. For me knowing that I’ve got 20 minutes until I’ll be settling down for a 30 minute feed is important. I like to know what is happening when rather than being told (and having to guess) while a distressed babe makes lots of noise. We also have a family business to run and two small kids to feed, take to school, bathe and read stories to so it makes absolute sense to aim to have a dependable routine for the newbie from Day 1 so that the whole family’s needs are met.

Several of my friends who were able to be ad-hoc and flexible with how their babies’ days were structured early on are now finding themselves with bigger babies/toddlers who still expect to be nursed to sleep several times each night, have to be continually rocked until they fall asleep (hard with a chunky little monkey), get overtired and overwrought during the day and are now making the decision to start introducing regular feed/sleep times for their Little Ones.

Other friends who have gone on to have a second baby are discovering Gina Ford’s routines as they already have a daily structure in place with their first born and are gratified to find that from a few weeks after their baby’s arrival they are getting far more sleep and far less crying & colic related anxiety than they did first time round.

I reserve the right to eat my words but the plan for us is to follow Gina Fords recommendations to the letter from soon after Titch’s arrival so that very soon I will be able to get dressed, do a bit of housework during the baby’s morning nap, work on the computer for the business during the lunchtime napathon, collect the older children from school with a recently fed/non-crying baby sibling and get all three of them fed, bathed and settled down for a good night’s sleep at 7pm. In between there will be plenty of time for cuddling and bonding with the littlest member of the familybut as Gina stresses it will be when he/she is well fed, well rested and will enjoy being held, sang to, played with.

Fingers crossed!

NB: Before I got the copy of Gina Ford’s book I had devised this routine which is based on the same structure but covers the first 6 months. Gina has her routines change a little as the baby grows and develops every few weeks (based on the principles that babies stomachs can hold more milk, as they get older they can go a little longer between nap times, they have growth spurts at certain points and if you can get as much milk down them during the day they are less likely to need sustenance from you in the middle of the night).

Baby & Kids Routines up to 6 Months

• 6.30am:
  Mummy: Up dressed, express, coffee/breakfast, washing on
• 7am –
  Mummy: Feeding baby/twins
  Baby: Awake and feeding/
  Twins: Having breakfast/Getting dressed, washed and ready for school
• 8.30-9am -
  Mummy: Driving to school & then back home again (walk if leaving the car in the village)
  Baby: Nap-time
  Twins: Getting to school/reading in car/playing in playground
• 10am -
  Mummy & Baby: Awake and feeding
• 11.30am -
  Baby: Lonnng Nap-time
  Mummy: Lunch, chores & office work
• 2pm -
  Mummy & Baby: Awake and feeding
• 2.45pm:
  Mummy: Collect twins from school & have snack
  Twins: Have snack
• 4-5pm -
  Baby: Nap-time
  Twins: Play
  Mummy: Make packed lunches, tea & dinner
• 5pm –
  Baby: Awake and feeding
  Twins: Teatime
• 6pm -
  Baby: Bath and bedtime routine/last feed?
  Twins: Bath and bedtime routine
• 8pm:
  Mummy: Dinner & relax/bath & bed
• 10-11pm -
  Baby: Awake and feeding
  Daddy: Feed baby
• 2-3am -
  Baby: Awake and feeding

In investigating the logistics and reality of home education we came across several wonderful blogs and websites written by families who were successfully keeping their children at home and enjoying watching them learn at their own pace things that interested them rather than being force to sit in the same classroom day in and day out following a National Curriculum. There seemed to be a common theme with all of them that being family orientated instead of work orientated led to a more satisfying way of life.

As a parent the way of life described in the websites we found seemed appealing to the extreme. A couple of them in particular had the effect of our re-evaluating our existence in London and within a few weeks we had quit our jobs, took the children out of private day nursery and downshifted to a life in the Worcestershire countryside where I became full time stay at home mother and Bealers set up a new internet software company similar to the one he had sold in London. The children were still only 3 years old last year when we made this move and the option of home education instead of mainstream school still very much appealed.

By September last year the children were eligible for five sessions per week at the local nursery which had just relocated its premises to a classroom within the local village primary school, adjacent to the reception class. At around the same time the business Bealers had set up took off tremendously well and it made sense for me to do some of the basic admin/office management tasks while he was busy doing fee earning client projects. The kids had a few settling in sessions which they loved as there were toys we didn’t have at home, messy play, painting etc. as well as children their own age. Having attended nursery from a very young age they were sociable creatures who loved making new friends.

The academic year ended in July for six weeks summer holiday by which time our minds were pretty much made up that both kids would move up to the reception class with seventeen of their little classmates from the pre-school room.

We are extremely fortunate that the village/town we have moved to has a wonderful, small primary school which plays a large role in the community here. It is in a picturesque setting with loads of green space. For the reception class there are two teachers yet only nineteen children. If one is going to send ones children to school after years of planning to home educate then this is a good one.

A huge factor in our decision to not keep the children at home is the free 30 hours of childcare primary school offers while I am able to go to the office, bill clients, pay staff, order stationery and the like. Our offices are a one minute walk away from the school so I am able to take them there and pick them up each day which I would not have been able to do if we were still living our ‘previous life’ in London as I worked full time.

My plan is to constantly monitor how happy both children are attending full time school. My gut feeling is that five days a week at this age is far too much so have an idea that within a year from now I will approach the head teacher to talk about the idea of flexi-schooling or part-time schooling where they are attending school for three or four days a week but doing things with me the remaining days of the week. He seems to be a very interesting non-conformist character and so I hope he will be open to this as a suggestion.

I know my daughter will thrive in school as there is nothing she likes more than sitting quietly doing drawing, writing, reading, making things, counting or playing nicely with other children. My son however is very much like I was at his age – super keen on the social side of school (and cannot wait to be reunited with his chums tomorrow) but not at all keen on the sitting down and doing ‘boring’ things. He will most probably have a reputation for being charming, funny, good at reading, talking, acting, singing and computing but will distract his other classmates when it is time for repetitive academic pursuits which require him to sit still and focus his attention.

I know that for our family, right now we have made the right decision but as with all other decisions I reserve the right to keep it constantly under review and perhaps do a massive U-turn in my thinking in the future. They are both thrilled that tomorrow is the first day of school and are really happy to be big enough to sport a school uniform. It does feel like a bit of a rite of passage for them to be leaving me tomorrow after six weeks at home in their too-big jumpers, neatly brushed hair and scuff-free Clarks shoes. I shall miss them I know I will.

Bit of a shame I didn’t plant acres of the things as this evening he asked ‘Where are the rest of the peas we picked?’ (I ate them with my dinner last night) cue lots of boo-hooing about how he didn’t know he liked peas and now he does he wants to eat more but they’ve all gone! I feel a trip to the greengrocer coming on.

What I don’t know is whether pea plants are like runner beans and keep on producing more pods the more one picks them (perhaps yes as that’s the theory with sweet pea flower crops) or once the harvest has been taken is that all there is from that plant (like potatoes). I recall that the packet of pea seeds instructed me to plant another row or two every few weeks so I would have a continuous crop which makes me think perhaps the latter is true.

Veg growing, it seems, is very much a lifelong process of learning.

[Update - I just found this which is helpful for those new to pea growing like me]

http://www.gardenaction.co.uk/fruit_veg_diary/fruit_veg_mini_project_april_1b_pea.asp#Harvest%20peas

Harvesting Peas
Garden peas are best when slightly immature – when fully mature they become hard and loose the sweet taste. Harvesting them early also encourages them to produce more. As a guide, peas are normally ready for harvest three weeks after flowering. Peas quickly loose their flavour after harvesting, so pick them just before they are required for cooking.

The peas at the bottom of the plant will tend to be ready first, so begin harvesting here, working up as time progresses. When the plant stops producing peas, cut the top of the plant off and leave the roots in the ground to compost for next year.

We built the pond from an inexpensive ‘tub trug’ and placed loads of rocks in it and around it so the small creatures could get in and out of it without drowning (according to our bee keeping friend Janet – even bumble bees need a rock to stand on when they drink or they’d fall in and drown). We used rain water collected from the rain butt to fill it and the final touch were a couple of pond plants bought at the Malvern Gardening Show (a miniture pink water lily and a water iris).

We never did find any frogspawn as everyone we asked claimed that the local herons eat all the tadpoles but instead we have enjoyed watching loads of birds discover the drinking facility. It also brings a small bit of height and interest to our newly created triangular herb/cut flower border and the two of us girls really enjoyed creating something together.

Making the mini pond:

The mini pond in June:

Later in the week when we found our newly flowering aquilegas were covered in aphids I suggested we go on a ladybird hunt as they are good at eating all the aphids.

We were both a little surprised to find one who did in fact start gobbling the aphids as predicted when we placed it on one of the affected plants.

Yesterday we watched yet another ladybird lay some eggs next to the back door and both kids have been looking at the cluster through a big magnifying glass to see if any of them have hatched yet.

I pointed out a few ladybird larvae wandering the pine needles of last years Christmas tree (growing happily in a pot) to Edie but I wasn’t convinced that I had my facts right as they look so unlikeadult ladybirds.

Having just read this ladybird factsheet I now know that young ladybirds are just as good at getting rid of unwanted greenfly and whitefly and so should be treated as welcome visitors in the garden.

Usually a mother ladybird would lay her eggs near to a plentiful food supply (ie. on a plant with loads of aphids on) rather than a scorching, barren, south facing brick wall.

The female we watched lay two batches and then as the last egg emerged she ate it! The children were a bit perplexed by this and kept asking me why she did it and I really didn’t have a good answer other than ‘Maybe she was very hungry and she knew it wasn’t a good egg to hatch..’

I feel so mixed as I’ve loved being with them full time for the past couple of weeks and not having to get them dressed, supplied with a couple of packed lunches and out of the house by 8.30am but I also love working with Bealers and being involved in the business. It’s certainly quieter, more cerebral and people generally don’t screech at me or get toothpaste all over themselves in the office.

I’ve really really really missed the kids and keep finding myself thinking of calling them on the phone as if they were grown up friends.

Just before we broke up for Easter we got the happy letter confirming the twins had places for the reception class and could start in September. Given that there will only be 19 kids in the class, all of whom we know already from pre-school, the teachers seem nice and the school is just 2 minutes walk from our offices we have decided that we will not be home educating the children full time and they will be accepting places at the primary school. I’ll be able to work more hours and the kids will continue to be friends with the chums they have already made at school. For us it’s essentially free childcare that we will be subscribing to with the pleasant side effects of not having to take total responsibility for their primary education, make new friends etc.

I’m already slightly weepy at the thought of them going to school for five days a week whether they want to or not from September. I know I’ll feel strange not knowing the detail of what they have done, who thay have played with, was anyone nasty to them, were they naughty, embarrassed, happy, proud? This is strange for me to have these feelings given that I used to send them to full time childcare from the age of 7 months – 3 years for a job I didn’t particularly love.

This week I’m particularly aware of how much being at school obviously zaps them. They are shattered, hungry and miserable when we get home. Usually my kids are great, fun people to be around. They question a lot, we discover things together, I teach them things I know, we read, we laugh, they play. In sending them to school from September so I can concentrate on helping to run the business am I inviting stress and misery into their little lives?

My mum who was a reception teacher firmly believes that children need to learn about structure, routine, fitting in with the masses but I’m pretty sure she’s wrong.

Luckily through the pre-school I’ve made some top mates – other mummies who have small kids who get on well with E&M. They’re always being invited to parties, play-dates, chicken/cow feeding so another huge fringe benefit is these new friendships will continue and grow with the children staying at school.

My daughter spotted a book in the adults section of our tiny local library and asked me to borrow it. We looked at How Does Your Garden Grow?: Great Gardening for Green-Fingered Kids (Hamlyn Gardening) by Clare Matthews and Clive Nichols that evening and were really excited to see so many great but easy looking projects and ideas with step-by-step lovely photos. Things like painting a couple of old tyres and stacking them to form a pretty pot for a small tree or shrub which could also be used as a seat for a little one. I showed the ‘Build a willow dome’ project to Bealers who to my amazement said ‘Get the wood & I’ll have a go at building that’.

After dinner I searched the internet for local suppliers of willow cuttings and found that it is only sold during the winter period Nov-March due to its dormant season (it starts putting out roots and shoots in spring and needs to be planted before then). A local supplier, JPR Willow ‘Living Willow & Sculpture Supplies’ had sold out of most of the bundles of willow but were still selling bundles of 8ft rods for £30 and could deliver on Monday but as we were near them on Saturday we picked it up instead.

One day’s hard graft in the garden by Bealers but with 6 of his nearest/dearest keeping him company in the warm April sunshine on Sunday we are now the proud owners of a new playhouse that will hopefully root and grow.

With just a small touch of irony we have called it ‘Withywood House’ as it is made of ‘withy’ wood but also because the large sprawling south Bristol council estate Bealers grew up on is called Withywood (if you click on the link you’ll see just how green and leafy a place it isn’t). His mum and step-dad still live there and they were here for the weekend while he built it.

Step 1: Draw a circle with a stick and a bit of string cut to the length of the radius. Apparently the rods should be twice as long as the diameter of your hut. Ours were 8ft so thehut is approximately 4ft across.

Step 2: Dig out the turf within this circle and edge it with compost so the rods have something nice to grow into. We put the discarded turf pieces upside down on the compost pile hoping that they will rot down there instead of growing.

Step 3: Peg in a weed-free membrane.

Step 4: Make the doorway with two strong rods.

Step 5: Start poking the 6 structural rods through the membrane and into the ground so that enough of the length of them will root and has a good foundation for the dome.

Step 6: Start bending them into the middle and tying together with garden twine.

Step 7: Create a ’supporting wall’ for the top of the door.

Step 8: Start adding the ‘wall’ rods in an oversized basket-weaving fashion working them in at an angle and parallel to each other in one direction then back the other way with the rods going in the other direction.

Step 9: Tie with twine at each intersection (not photographed because we left Bealers to it while we went to a four year olds party). Apparently this step takes some time.

Our house and my kids lives are relatively well managed due to a few basic mantras (mainly pinched from the FlyLady in the US):

1. Keep to a routine. My watch broke this week and it’s only now without it I realise how hooked we are to having lunch, snacks, bath and bedtimes at the same time each & every day. I discovered this miraculous way of living when the kids were just 10 weeks old and before this revelation I honestly thought I was going to have to run away to a foreign country I found new motherhood so awful & unpredictable. Our timetable for life with the 4 year olds is still basically the same routine we implemented back then (and regained sanity and peaceful lives) albeit with fewer naps and no more hour-long milk feeds.

   7am wake up; 8am tv off, breakfast, unload dishwasher, get dressed, washed, teeth brushed; 10.30am snack time for them (toast, milk)/breakfast for me; 12 noon lunchtime; 3pm snack time; 4pm tv allowed on (son glued to it, daughter helping me with whatever I’m doing in kitchen/garden); 5pm tea time; 6pm bath time & story; 7pm bedtime; 8pmish grown ups dinner; 10-11pm shower/bath, start dishwasher, bedtime.Another more relaxed routine I have is to do same chores on same day each week so that if it’s Monday I know it must be change bed sheets day, Wednesday is empty all bins and recycling as the bin men come early Thursday, shop for groceries on Friday.

2. ‘Progress not perfection’. I no longer get palpitations at the enormity of a series of tasks need to achieve abolute 100% tip-top condition and no longer shy away from a task. Eg. if all the flower beds in this house are over grown with weeds the fact that I’ve started weeding one of them is great, I’ll do some more on it when I can.
3. ‘Pick up after yourself’ & ‘Use loads of wicker baskets to chuck things in’ then every so often take the full one at the bottom of the stairs up to the top. I’ve got one right here next to me that I’ve chucked paperwork to be filed in. Tomorrow I’ll sort the papers into my filing cabinet and the basket may then be used to collect ‘things that really live downstairs’ or ‘things that the kids keep in their room’ or ‘library books to return’ or ‘cups/glasses from Bealers’ office that need a wash’. You get the picture. I wouldn’t be without my wicker baskets.
4. Leave a room in the state you would wish to find it in on entering it (ie. when leaving the house at least clear the breakfast things off the table and give it a quick wipeover instead of being greated by encrusted bowls of sour milk and cereals when you arrive home at the end of the day).
5. So much more can be done in 2, 5 or 10 minutes than one imagines. While the bath is running and the kids are ‘hiding’ in their duvet covers from one another I’ve got time to hang a basket of clothes on the airer or put away a folded basket of dry clothes, while the kids are in the bath I can wipe the sink and the loo (oh here’s another one… ‘A clean loo is so much easier to keep clean’ just a quick wipe round the boys area with a bit of toilet tissue is all it takes – it’s less yucky than wiping a baby’s bottom), write a list or a thank you note.
6. Get complete outfits ready for yourself and the kids before the morning. This doesn’t have to be last thing at night as I used to do (and then realise I was too tired to be bothered), the clothes can be put out as kids are getting ready for bed. This way no-one is running around looking for clean socks, matching trousers the next morning when time is short and tempers are too sleepy to be nice.
7. Wear lipstick/do hair nice and wear ok clothes instead of stained t-chirts, tracksuit bottoms. On the days when I remember this one (thanks Anna P. you domestic goddess) I’m pleased I did as I feel a better woman and the kids always say nice things about me looking so pretty. On the days I don’t I invariably wish I did as someone will ask me whether I’m ill or I’ll randomly bump into an old flame from yesteryear (damn that).
8. (This one can be hard) Remembering to feel the love for the house and the people in it when you are doing the same old, same old each day. As I peg out the clothes on the washing line each day & then dash to get them in before it pours with rain I try to look at each of the smaller garments and marvel at the fact that my kids are still so cute and small (usually at this point they start screaming at each other, pulling hair etc), that we’re lucky to have such nice things to look after, such nice food from the supermarket to put away, lovely lawn to mow, nice bed linen to lie in.

   The flipside of my constant guilt at how privelaged we are in western society compared with so many with so little is to be constantly grateful for my lot – I have extremely good health, a husband who loves and provides for me, a house which is more than adequate for my needs, a fine selection of clothes, healthy bright kids etc etc etc. If things ever feel rubbish I try to recall all of this instead of thinking ‘I can’t believe I only vacuumed this floor yesterday and now it’s covered in rice krispies and bits of paper again’. There are so many women in this world who would give almost anything to be in my position. Another thing which is not such a positive way of being grateful for my current role is the profound awareness that this period in my life is relatively short lived. My kids will be grown up and the house will be a very quiet, tidy place for a long time after they stop living here. It makes me sad to think this but somehow does enable me to appreciate being chief housekeeper right now…

Beatrix is Three

by Adrian Mitchell

At the top of the stairs

I ask for her hand. O.k.

She gives it to me.

How her fist fits my palm

A bunch of consolation.

We take our time

Down the steep carpetway

As I wish silently

That the stairs were endless.

What we ate today:

(Kids) Eggie Bread / French Toast & Frankfurters for lunch, Cauliflower cheese & refried new potatoes for tea.

(Grown ups) Hungarian beef goulash casserole with boiled rice

After about 1 second of thought I realised I didn’t want cut flowers or to be wheeled out to a restaurant with the rest of the nation’s matriachs. Instead I’ve suggested that if the weather’s fine we all do some gardening together. The kids are going to make me a bin-lid pond and Bealers is going to remove one corner of the lawn so I can turn it into somewhere to plant flowers (mainly Dahlias as it happens). We’ll all continue to dig and weed the vegetable patch getting it ready to plant seedlings in a few weeks when the ground has warmed up (& when we’ve sowed some seeds).

This will bring me huge amounts of joy – having all four of us busy in the garden is one of my favourite things and improving what we have here will make the summer months even more lovely.