Becoming Domestic

Leaving London and downshifting to become a full-time parent and rural homemaker

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Blog Action Day 2008 Poverty

A day late but not too late to write a post to participate in blog action day 2008.

The book I am reading at the moment is yet another on the now familiar and alluring theme of family self-sufficiency. ‘Living the Good Life: Changing the world from your own backyard‘ is Linda Cockburn’s diary of her young family’s pledge to spend 6 months not spending a dollar. It naturally includes several examinations as to why shunning of ‘normal’ consumerist lifestyle is a good exercise including the following shocking list on ‘Consumerism versus Humanitarianism’

Consider the priorities in global spending in 1998

Global Priority (US$ billions)

  • Basic education for everybody in the world (US$6 billion)
  • Cosmetics in the United States ((US$8 billion)
  • Water and sanitation for everyone in the world (US$9 billion)
  • Ice-cream in Europe (US$11 billion)
  • Reproductive health for all women in the world (US$12 billion)
  • Perfumes in Europe and the United States (US$12 billion)
  • Basic heath and nutrition for everyone in the world (US$13 billion)
  • Pet foods in Europe and the United States (US$17 billion)
  • Business entertainment in Japan (US$35 billion)
  • Cigarettes in Europe (US$50 billion)
  • Alcoholic drinks in Europe (US$105 billion)
  • Narcotic drugs in the world (US$400 billion)
  • Military spending in the world (US$780 billion)

Appalling statistics.

This blogpost was written as a contribution to Blog Action Day. More than 9,000 bloggers worldwide have joined together to raise awareness of poverty and the issues related to it.

Simple Living

My aunty told me on the phone that they were not sending Christmas cards this year nor buying gifts. Hooray for her – not especially green, frugal or thrifty but just a nice lady.I’ve decided to do the same and request that people actively exclude us from their shopping/sending lists. It stresses me out having nowhere to put the cards and feeling sorry for the resources used to produce them (printing, card and fuel to distribute).

I searched on Google for ‘thrifty Christmas’ and found myself on the Simple Living website which I hadn’t visited for a couple of years. It has loads of great ideas, tips and words of wisdom – one of which is above (their poster) and another below (a collection of simple suggestions that will help restore our eroding sense of community)

* Turn off your TV
* Leave your house
* Know your neighbors
* Look up when you are walking
* Greet people
* Sit on your stoop
* Plant flowers
* Use your library
* Play together
* Buy from local merchants
* Share what you have
* Help a lost dog
* Take children to the park
* Garden together
* Support neighborhood schools
* Fix it even if you didn’t break it
* Have pot lucks
* Honor elders
* Pick up litter
* Read stories aloud
* Dance in the street
* Talk to the mail carrier
* Listen to the birds
* Put up a swing
* Help carry something heavy
* Barter for your goods
* Start a tradition
* Ask a question
* Hire young people for odd jobs
* Organize a block party
* Bake extra and share
* Ask for help when you need it
* Open your shades
* Sing together
* Share your skills
* Take back the night
* Turn up the music
* Turn down the music
* Listen before you react to anger
* Mediate a conflict
* Seek to understand
* Learn from new and uncomfortable angles
* Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.

Using a handkerchief instead of tissues to blow our noses

My lovely green and thrifty friend Emma has always used a hanky for her nose as Father Christmas has thoughtfully given her a new one each year she now has over thirty in her collection. Yesterday I noticed our other inspriationally green and thrifty friend, Janet, also uses a hanky to dab at any sniffle she has.

As a Big Fan of washable wipes (for the baby’s nappy changes and for all three kids when face wipes are needed) and someone who can never find a sensible place to put the big ugly boxes of tissues (somewhere where the kids can reach but where they don’t clutter up the place to badly), someone who hates spending money on unecessary disposable things when there is a reusable alternative I can’t believe I’ve had snotty nosed offspring for this long without remembering the hankerchiefs of my childhood we all used to carry.

Thankfully my running out of tissues and the kids enduring never ending runny/blocked noses made me search for hankchiefs on eBay and we are now the happy owners of some pretty Irish linen hankies which came in their original packaging but were marketed as being 1970’s!.

They are so much softer on the children’s noses than paper tissues, they don’t turn into a soggy mess after a few blows and as I have the washing machine on at least once a day I can always ensure we will carry one up our sleeves every day (can’t promise to iron them like my mum used to though) and we’ll not be spending £1.70 on an unsightly tree-wasting box of tissues anymore.

(Before I wrote this post I found this blog post from another like-minded blogger. It made me laugh
Using a Handkerchief Makes Me Feel All Funny)

How to look after children’s teeth

Brushing two new little teeth

Brushing two new little teeth

I heard a couple of really sad and scary tales recently of young children (friends’ of friends) having to have rotten milk teeth removed (one child was having to have twenty removed the other needed five taking out). I couldn’t believe it and wondered whether it was parental ignorance rather than negligence to blame.

Loads of kids at the school my children attend seem to be taken regularly to the bakery or the sweet shop after school for a snack (we head home for bananas, milk and peanut butter on toast). Some kids have squash in their water bottles instead of water (a drink they are meant to have with them in the classroom) to slurp on throughout the day. We frequently get given gifts of sweets when a classmate has had a birthday or has been on holiday. My generation of parents seem to be losing the knowledge that lots of sugar = bad teeth.

I was not given many sweets as a child due to the fact that both my parents spent their childhood muching on boiled sweets, gobstoppers and toffee. They now have a mouth full of filings and crowns and have to endure frequent agony at the dentists. We had a box of Quality Street at Christmas and also Turkish Delight. I used to get a small amount of pocket money and used to spend some of it on sweets at the local shop. They were not banned just not around as a matter of course. We never had fizzy drinks in the house but were allowed as occasional treats.

On hearing the sad tales of children with rotting teeth I wondered what I could do better to ensure my kids learn how to take care of their teeth and to make sure I am doing the right thing.

Improvements to be made:

  • Dilute fruit juice (recommended dilution is 1:10 according to dentist literature)
  • Stop buying squash
  • Help with brushing their teeth morning and night – I do a ‘Mummy brush’ after they have attempted to brush their own teeth
  • Ask grandparents to no longer buy sweets as a treat
  • Suggest kids don’t spend their pocket money on sweets but take them to a charity shop for little toys, a book shop or a toy shop (or eBay as they love browsing the toys on there!)
  • Remind them ‘Oooh we’ll have to give your teeth an extra good brush after that’ if they have been eating sweets at a party to help them remember the connection between sugar and bad teeth
  • Book 6 monthly dental check ups for all the family
  • Use old fashioned disclosing tablets occasionally to show them where they need to do better brushing (they think these are brilliant as they temporarily turn their mouths bright bright blue)
  • Set a good example (only scoff chocolate when they are in bed!) and don’t have sugar on cereal, in coffee etc.
  • Remember that dried fruits such as raisins, apricots, banana chips are also high in sugar and they are sticky so the residue can remain on the teeth.

A Place in my Country: In Search of a Rural Dream (a brilliant book)

I’ve just read another attitude-changing book, again borrowed from the library but like other inspiring reads this too will be bought for the home bookshelves and most probably as a Christmas present for other similarly minded friends or family.

A Place In My Country: In Search Of A Rural Dream

We have rented a house in the countryside between three English towns for two years now we are in the process of thinking ahead and wondering what sort of environment we would like to raise the kids in when/if we buy a place of our own.

It is well documented that we do love living in the the countryside (the space, the sounds, the quiet, the ability to produce our own food) and have felt until reading Ian Walthew’s account of his move to a small village in the Cotswolds that we should probably not move too far away from a commerical centre and the so called benefits they bring (namely shops, leisure centres, cinemas and according to my five year old son the constant lure of fast food establishments offering ‘free’ toys). Reading his book has radically changed my mind and has helped me to realise that I have no real affinity to large towns any more and actually the small town we live in has the few things we need/like as a family (a lovely village school, a playground, a doctor, a chemist, a butcher, a greengrocer and a charity shop). If we were to move further away from such things it may mean we have opportunity to experience the pleasures of other things we haven’t even dreamt of yet.

A Place In My Country has opened my eyes further to the turmoil modern farmers are in.

I feel I’ve learned so much about his neighbour’s small old fashioned farm, the hard, hard relentless physical labour he has put in day in and day out since he was a small boy and now only to earn a few pounds per animal or per quantity of grain but despite this there is no question that his neighbour would ever consider farming another way or  selling up.

Modern farming methods are rapidly destroying our soil structures (with their heavy reliance on chemical fertilisers instead of spreading manure to enrich soil structures), our wildlife (most modern farms comprise of huge swathes of land managed by one person with enormous machines, many hundreds of acres without hedges, dry stone walls where wildlife would have once resided) and these smaller farms are now a minority which are disappearing fast along with the knowledge, skills, experience and the wide variety of crop and animal breeds which once meant we enjoyed a diverse range of products instead of the monoculture governments are turning this country towards.

Throughout the book there is a sense that no-one in a position of power is thinking rationally about the future of our land and what will happen to future generations of people wishing to live and work in a rural environment. The people who are struggling to maintain a living from the land are continually up against legislation and the push for producing cheap food on a huge scale (as well as the weather, poverty and people with more wealth wishing to build housing estates on their land). It’s a really well written book which manages to be both informative, moving and hugely entertaining too.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Place-My-Country-Search-Rural/

NB: While I’m waxing lyrical about books I’ve recently read about life in the English countryside I also read another moving and inspirational account called ‘The Fight for Fordhall Farm’ by Charlotte and Ben Hollins.

It is their story of how they saved their fathers delapidated organic farm in Shroshire, UK from being bought by property developers and turned it into a community ventre by sheer determination, hard work and positively refusing to give up when it looked like they would never be in a position to raise the £800,000 required. Given that they were only 19 and 21 when the events unfolded it is an incredible tale.

Both these books give us non-farming readers a tiny window through which to peep through into a world where people are giving their whole lives’ effort to  work with nature not because it will earn them a fast car or a foreign holiday, new fashionable clothes or the latest gadget but because it is something they love from the core and would not give up without a lengthy fight.

Both have made me want to do more in the way of producing our own food and aiming towards an even more simple and self-sufficient way of life before our nation is forced to re-examine our unhelthy dependence on oil.

The Fight for Fordhall Farm

Thrifty vs Green and Ethical

I know that generally the simpler lifestyle is one that is naturally thrifty and also kinder to our environment but ever since finishing the wonderful book ‘Animal, Vegetable, Miracle’ by Barabara Kingsolver I’ve been more aware than I was before about the potentially harmful chemicals used during food production (chemical pesticides and fertilisers on fruit and veg, antibiotics used on intensively/battery farmed animals especially milk producing cattle and meat producing livestock/poultry).

I’ve begun to buy organic produce wherever possible especially for the food I plan to give to my children to eat or drink (I never used to bother with organic milk although I had heard that if you were going to buy just one organic food product then this is the one to choose as over 75% of the total amount of antibiotics produced are used on farmed dairy cattle).

My food shopping bill has increased dramatically with this new enlightened way of shopping. The simple way to reduce it again would be for us to reduce the amount of meat we eat as a family and to grow more of our own food whenever we can.

I love vegetarian food but the lovely man I am married to is a meat-man through and through so alas lots of meat stays on the list. The growing season for us is now over but next year we will grow more and perhaps will ask our landlord for permission to keep a couple of chickens.

PS: How about thrifty clothing vs ethical or organic clothing. If you want to save money you would understand the magnetism of chain stores selling uber cheap clothing (Primark, Matalan et al) but the mind boggles when trying to work out how they can sell at such prices who and where are these clothes being made? Ethical clothing or organic clothing sells at a premium. For me the answer lies in having your own style instead of following what is deemed to be fashionable (yeh right surely the people dictating the fashions are the same people who have abig profits being gained from fashion industries). You can look cool on clothes swapped with friends, bought from second hand/charity shops, why you can even wear the same things each year if you choose classic well made pieces instead of thro-away fashion destined to be in landfill in just a few seasons time. My kids are dressed from head to toe in second hand clothes. The dresses my five year old daughter has are stunning. They are made by big names in beautiful fabrics. The baby wears hand me downs from friends and I wear mostly the stuff I’ve owned for ages.

Happy New (School) Year

Even as a grown-up prior to having school aged children I couldn’t help but think of September as a new beginning. I guess after so many many years in education where we had a lonnnnng vacation and then a fresh new start with new teachers, new subjects, new kit, new friends etc. it is inevitable that when we continue to think of the last days of summer and the first autumnal days as more of a new year than the calendar new year in the darkest dreariest days of winter.

It’s nearly the end of what has felt like a very long summer break with my two small twins and their little baby sister. The five year olds return to primary school the week after this and I am slightly ashamed to admit that I’m really looking forward to them being out of the house each day for eight hours. I can’t imagine how home educating families cope with running a household, keeping the children occupied (and learning) and quite often seem to manage to run small home-based businesses too. I obviously have a very long way to go before I can take care of so many important things without whinging about how hard it is and how tired I am.

Having said all that I have really enjoyed not doing the mad morning before school dash to get everyone up, fed, washed, dressed and to the playground by 8.45am. I’ve enjoyed being with the kids at their best not just at the end of the day when they are dog-tired.

As many professionals throughout the world take their holidays in August so businesses tend to slow down during this period and then when full teams of staff are back refreshed and ready to work hard managers often take this time of year to look ahead by conducting performance appraisals and the like.

With only ten more days of summer holidays left I am finding myself writing mental checklists of how I will use the time two of the children are not with me and creating lists of ‘New school years resolutions’ such as ‘Get fitter by going for a 30 minute walk with the baby in the pram each day after dropping the bigger kids off at school’ keep popping into my head and also looking back at this summer holiday – my first actual one but definitely my first as mother of three, and analysing what we could have done differently to make it better.

Here goes:

The Problems:

The main problems were
(a) the windy and rainy weather meaning we were all inside getting annoyed with one another and
(b) my inability to work/write while they were all demanding my attention
(c) one child being very good at playing, thinking of things to do etc while the other child doesn’t really like playing but instead likes to chat chat chat at whoever is near.

I think I’ve done fairly well one keeping on top of housework, cooking, cleaning but have found it more tiring than normal and there does seem to be a constant pile of folded laundry waiting to be put away.

The Successes:

Training the kids to take bowls through after breakfast, to get dressed, brush teeth, get dressed, make beds, put pyjamas under pillows. Also have enjoyed sending them out for ‘playtime’ after lunch each day despite one kid really not being keen on playing outside. Have also given myself a thumbs up for the near total tv ban for the last 5 weeks except for allowing a dvd film borrowed from the library to watch when I needed to do some work on the computer. I’ve done painting with them, cooking, taken them to stay in London with friends and to Bristol to visit their much loved relatives. More »

Menu planning for kids

I had a busy week last week as took all three littles to stay with very special friends in London who made us very welcome despite the inevitable noise and chaos we bring with us wherever we go.

My good friend Deborah has a very busy time as has a high powered job as a civil servant but also manages to dedicate lots of time to her three little daughters (two year old twins and a five year old), she and her husband rather miraculously manage to keep their lovely home looking nice and tidy too!

When quizzed about the secrets of juggling so many important ‘balls’ at once without dropping any of them she told me that as well as having lots of lovely regular help from the girls grandparents (both sets of grandparents make a weekly visit, sometimes more), a cleaner, and some bathtime help from the teenage girls living next door, they also have a strict routine of planning ahead each Sunday night which involves creating a menu plan for the children, placing the online grocery order makes a lot of stress, looking at the calendar to see what things are happening and how that might impact clothes/packed lunches etc.

I was super impressed with the menu plan which was pinned up on the wall for all to see. They started having a plan when their baby twins came along and the house was full of people helping. Each night whoever was helping would ask their elder daughter what would she like for dinner and she would always say ‘pasta’ as it is her favourite food. After a couple of weeks the parents realised that she had eaten nothing but pasta for as long as they could remember and so now a plan helps them to keep their children informed as to what they’ll be eating that lunchtime or evening and any other adult pitching in with getting food on the table before little tummies start growling can look to see what is on the menu.

Next to the weekly kids menu plan was the shopping list which made sense as they are able to add to the list in preparation for the week ahead and also as they run out of things.

Sample kids menu (*with grateful thanks to Deborah and John)

Mon lunch: Chicken goujons, peas and chips
Mon supper: Noodles and sweetcorn

Tues lunch: Soft boiled eggs, bread and butter and tomatoes or carrot sticks
Tues supper: Fish fingers, chips and brocolli

Wed lunch: Bagels and ham or smoked salmon and cream cheese
Wed supper: Pasta bolognaise with cheese

More »

Becoming Domestic gets an upgrade

Thank you thank you Bealers for doing spending your time improving this blog with a new theme and the latest version of Wordpress. It looks great and I love it.

Having a slow summer with kids

I’m going to come out and say it here and say it proudly that I’m actively not one of those mums who sign the kids up for swimming, ballet, soccer, music lessons, horseriding, Brownies/Scouts etc. Its partly because I am a bit lazy and not that good at committing myself to things but mainly its because I really feel strongly that kids should be able to (a) entertain themselves (especially those with loads of overly generous relatives and friends giving them LOADS of toys, books, comics, crafty sets at every given opportunity) and should (b) have plenty of opportunity to just ‘be’ – especially, ESPECIALLY after what must be a really intense tiring, noisy, hot, organised day at school with education activities for a good solid 6 hours five days a week.

My (five year old twin) kids come home shattered after school and its all I can do to get them to eat a jam sandwich and a glass of milk, play for a little while before they are up to have their bath at 5.30, a quiet play and a read in their bedroom, a few stories and poems from me and lights out for 7pm.

Some of their little five year old friends have loads of classes after school and on the weekend too. Its not for us as we like being flexible to our whims and moods. I started playing the piano when I was five (probably due to my musical grandmother insisting) and I used to hate having to practice for 20 minutes each night in a cold empty dining room. I’m now extremely grateful that I can read music and can bash out a few old favourites so I would like my kids to start learning a musical instrument one day but not right now.

we’re now half way through the school summer holidays. The children have had a few play dates, we’ve met some of their chums in the local fruit farm for a run around and an ice cream, we’re off to see old friends in London for a few days and another trip to see the grandparents in Bristol but for me the fact that they are off school doesn’t mean I am dropping everything to keep them entertained. We are not spending huge amounts of money on day trips to special places (although we will be going to see some Dr Who exhibition in a town 30 miles from here as I have broken under the constant pressure from a very persistant, verbal five year old Dr Who fan in my house).

I still have to keep the house clean, make meals, do grocery shopping, feed the baby, do the financial admin for my husband’s internet software business so when the kids come to me complaining of being bored I don’t feel guilty for not ‘doing’ more with them. I point out that they have a big back garden with a climbing frame, a swing and a willow den. They have more books than I do, a huge craft cupboard full of stuff to make, paint draw, another cupboard full of games and yet another full of jigsaw puzzles. Still more boxes of musical instruments, cars, super heros, dolls etc etc etc. They also have each other which must be brilliant.

The tv in their playroom (oh yes they also have a dedicated playroom when it isn’t doubling up as our guest room) is ‘broken’ (unplugged) but occasionally I will let them watch a dvd or tv (especially when its raining and/or I have some pressing phone calls to make) in our grown ups front room.

More often than not shortly after I hear ‘Mummy what can I do I’m bored?’ (one child especially out of the pair finds it very hard to occupy themselves) I hear the biggest giggles or some actually quite nice music sounds coming from the piano or guitar or I’ll find them snuggled up under a sheet with all their millions of soft toys. It is said that creativity is a close relation to boredom.

I’m not totally neglegent. If I leave them to it for the morning and get my housework (they’re getting better at helping now) and my paid work done we’ll eat lunch together and then spend the afternoon feeding the ducks, having a play in a playground, visiting the librar, making something from one of their coobooks etc.

It doesn’t sounds very exciting but I don’t see why it should be exciting. I’m enjoying seeing them discover themselves and as I keep saying to myself when they make a lot of noise or mess they will be grown up for a lonnnnnng time and they will be able to join as many music and sports classes as they like then.

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