Becoming Domestic

Our little baby arrived in the small hours of Thursday 24th January and we were thrilled to discover that the mystery resident was a baby girl all along. We have named her Scarlett and cannot believe how tiny or how lovely she is.

Of course it is now a constant juggle to manage a house, a business, two five year olds and a newborn but compared to the inexperienced parenting of tiny twins in 2003 this is an easy time. The bigger children are already in a fixed routine which involves them waking at 7am, having breakfast, getting dressed and washed for school and then being at school until 3pm. The baby has been extremely easy to fit in with this routine primarily by starting her day at 7am for her first feed and then structuring her naps/feeds throughout the day to ensure she is both well rested and well fed by the time it is bath & bedtime at 6-7pm.

We give her a bottle of expressed milk at 10pm (enabling me to get a nice long interupted stint of sleep from 9pm) and then she only wakes once or twice for a feed after that. No matter what kind of night we have had I wake her each morning at 7am to start the day.

She loves being cuddled and isn’t at all fond of being put down to fall asleep on her own but being only 15 days in this world we’ll let her off. It is a joy to have the luxury of snuggling one small babe who lived so long within when the last experience of new motherhood was fraught with tensions as ‘The Other Twin’ always was next to the baby being dealt with needing its turn and there was never any time for lovely special things like cuddles, quiet crooning or just being awe struck by the miracle of little human life.

Small Boat

You’re safely launched and named,
champagned,
and you rest now alongside
while we two stuff your tiny hold
with food and weightier freight - our pride,
ambitions, hopes - all the old
cargo with which we were burdened,
for you to carry onwards
over our horizon
to futures too distant forour eyes.

Some day
too soon, you’ll slip your morring
and sail away
upon the morning
while we will wave you off
across the miles
with small brave smiles
and handy hankerchiefs.

Our hearts’ new cockleshell,
we wish you well.

(Don Barnard)

February 8th, 2008 | Category: Baby and Pregnancy | Comments (8)

Having read a leaflet entitled ‘Real Nappies’ about informal drop in sessions being held locally for people wishing to find out more about using washable nappies I went along to a ‘Nappacino’ event and saw a very knowledgeable woman who knows all about using disposable nappies as a cheaper, more environmentally friendly and altogether less stinky alternative to using costly disposables which are well documented to be an expensive, highly processed, chemical containing, non-degradable yet time saving modern phenomenon. She bought along samples of the range available to parents and took the time to explain in great detail why cloth nappies are so wonderful.

I’ve been exceedingly lucky to have been given nearly 20 brand new OneLife ‘birth-to-potty’ cloth shaped nappies by my very good friend Jane to use for our newest child when it is here. I’ve also collected another 15+ of various other brands from generous Freecyclers in response to an advert I placed several months ago.

I went along to the ‘Nappacino’ event held by the local council in conjunction with Mandie who sells reusable washable nappies at her baby shop (www.honeybees-store.co.uk). I went because I wasn’t sure whether I had enough nappies, whether they were the right size or whether I needed any extra equipment.

My friend who also came along and I were both astounded to learn that there is still A LOT of awareness building to be done as so many parents-to-be just don’t know how lovely and how cheap washable nappies can be in comparison to nasty old disposables.

When my kids were in nappies (2003-2005) there were always some evil smelling nappy sacks containing foul nappies waiting to be taken outside to the bin, in the summer the wheelie bin would reek with a weeks worth of nappies being roasted inside. We added at least £10 extra to each weekly shop to cover a packet of nappies and calculated that we probably spent getting on for £1000 on disposables before they were potty trained. It was only when they were nearly 2 that I learned that had disposable nappies been around in King Henry VIII’s time we would still be surrounded by his generation’s festering nappies today a good 500 years later as they are not biodegradable. Yuck! More »

January 16th, 2008 | Category: Baby and Pregnancy, Being Green, Frugal living | Comments (3)

I added a reading list page for any other would-be domesticated types out there. It covers a broad spectrum of home finance management, saving money, household management, decluttering, being more organised, parenting, cooking and gardening:

http://www.becomingdomestic.co.uk/recommended-reading-list/ 

January 13th, 2008 | Category: Bits and Bobs | Leave a comment

I’ve been revising my knowledge of Gina Ford’s baby routines like a fiend since getting a new copy of her latest edition of the
‘The New Contented Little Baby Book: The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting‘ .

When we first had the twins 5 years ago I was ready to put both babies out for collection with the glass recycling by the time we’d had them at home for 10 weeks. I could never leave the house, one or other or both were always crying, finding time to get myself dressed let alone getting teeth brushed and deodorant applied was tricky. On top of this we were invariably up feeding at least two - four times each night. For us it was hellish.

Respite came in the form of discovering Gina Ford and her miraculous baby routines when a copy of the TAMBA (Twins & Multiple Birth Association) magazine arrived with an article entitled ‘Do Parents of Twins Ever Sleep Again?’.

The article was all about introducing a tried and tested regular daily routine which meant each baby was fed before it was screaming the house down with dehydration/hunger, each baby was settled into their cot with curtains drawn at the precise moment they showed signs of being tired and the parents were secure in the knowledge that there would be several baby-free slots in the day (nap times) where essential chores could be achieved as well as the frequently overlooked tasks of eating & drinking (especially important for nursing mothers) and ‘luxury’ tasks like brushing hair, cooking dinner, speaking to a member of the outside world on the phone could be fitted in, even anticipated!

More »

January 11th, 2008 | Category: Routines for children | Comments (6)

I love vegetables, Bealers isn’t so keen, he loves pasta & bread but I can’t eat gluten, I could eat rice every day and never get sick of it, he can’t abide the stuff, I rate fish and shellfish highly but Bealers doesn’t!

On top of all these likes/dislikes we’re trying to be healthier and more thrifty with our food budget so what meals does that leave on the list of things we both like and won’t blow the budget (and are easy to make!). Luckily we are both meat eaters so are at least compatible on that.

• Pork & cider casserole with mash/rice/baked potatoes
• Hungarian beef goulash with rice
• Chilli with corn tortillas, grated cheese, avocado, salsa and greek yoghurt
• Curry of all kinds (rice for her, naan bread for him)
• Roast dinners
• Omlettes of all kinds
• Fish, chips & mushy peas
• Spicy beanburgers and salad
• Wheat free lasagne
• Thai red curry with veg and tofu
• Jacket potatoes with homemade coleslaw & cheese or houmous & salad
• Lamb/pork chops with new potatoes salad/veg
• Fried breakfasts (bacon, eggs, tomatoes, baked beans and mushrooms)

Not a huge list there. A lovely new years resolution designed by Bealers was to use our plentiful supply of recipe books and try to cook something new from one of them every week of the year so we discover new dishes which we both enjoy. So far he has stuck to his plan and last week we had a very tasty supper from the latest Jamie Oliver book ‘At Home’ with chicken thighs, new potatoes and tomatoes all roasted together in a big oven proof tray.
When Bealers is away or out for the evening I always treat myself to one of my personal favourites:

• Rataouille with rice or a jacket potato or just on its own with grated cheese
• Chick pea and spinach curry
• Risotto either plain, ‘green’ (peas, courgettes, brocolli) with loads of white wine and parmeasan
• Fisherman’s pie
• Bacon, spinach & avocado salad
• Fresh soup

January 11th, 2008 | Category: Menu Planning | Leave a comment

One of the upsides of being hugely pregnant and on maternity leave while the kids are at school & a completely clear diary free of rushing around doing things is the amount of time available to do things one usually never gets round to. While the rain is lashing down and the wind is howling I’m staying warm and dry in our home office (soon to be home office/baby room/guest room).

Last week we were the delighted recipients of a beautiful (if you like shabby chic) cream two-drawer filing cabinet from a generous Freecycler. It was perfect timing for us as we’d just reached the point where our trusty one-drawer cabinet would not accept a single extra piece of paper yet we needed to create some new files. This week I’ve been merrily drinking tea by the gallon while I take each file and review its contents, its label, its position, discard outdated papers and noting anything needing actioning.

We’ve taken the opportunity to make a comprehensive list of all the bank accounts, pensions, insurance schemes in a password protected spreadsheet along with their policy/account numbers, login details and the like. Very reassuring. I’ve added a lockable/fire & flood proof safe or document store to my birthday wish list so I can print the information and have a hard copy stashed away in case of emergency along with our birth certificates, passports etc. More »

January 8th, 2008 | Category: Budgeting and Finances | Comments (5)

Unfortunately I wasn’t taught early in life how to manage my money, how to save, or how to manage a limited household budget. I now realise these are essential life skills. I swear I’m not going to let history repeat itself and will ensure our kids will know about how to manage money from an early age.

Already I make sure they understand that the cash point gives us access to OUR money which is stored in the bank rather than free handouts whenever we fancy it. We also give them 50p pocket money each week (when they ask for it!) which enables them to buy comics or charity shop treats rather than relying on pestering me until breaking point to buy them a treat.

It has only been in the past 18 months since leaving my silly City salary behind and managing to have a fine standard of living on Bealer’s (self-employed) salary alone that I have finally learned the basics of spending less than we earn and anticipating/saving for things we want in the future.

Strangely, despite Bealers also having nobody show or tell him how to keep on top of personal finances, he has been the one who has taught me the most about staying on top of bank statements, categorising spending into regular/fixed essential spending (utilities, rent/mortgage, insurance) and discretionary spending (diy, meals out, travel, gifts, car repairs) and most importantly making sure we always have enough for important things like car tax, Christmas food and unexpected disasters.

Even when we were footloose and fancy-free both earning fairly good London salaries and had no kids to worry about Bealers was really good at reconciling online bank statements, paying off credit card bills in a timely fashion and working out how our fairly consumption-heavy lifestyle (plenty of foreign travel, loads of meals out, new bathrooms, books, CDs, loads of clothes) would be financed. Meanwhile I treated money like water - it trickled quickly through my fingers with the sense that there was plenty more where that came from. I would never have a clue what my bank balance was until the cashpoint refused to give me cash, whatever I fancied I would buy it (tropical holidays, new things for the house, shoes, nights out). A recipe for financial ruin apparently but fortunately stopped before any real damage was done.

When our twins arrived in 2003 we were amazed to see a whopping £10,000 worth of savings be frittered away within 6 months. Goodness knows on what. We did buy a new 2nd hand car, huge amounts of brand new baby equipment, nursery fees, holidays etc but nothing really tangible for such a huge sum. I guess it’s irrelevant now but as we’re expecting a new baby very soon it is interesting to note that we have changed hugely in the past 5 years and certainly will not be saying goodbye to large sums just because Junior has joined us (see ‘Thrifty Pregnancy/Baby‘ posts).

The top tips we have for managing our finances now are as follows. They work for us, are constantly under review as to whether there are better ways of doing it.

• We use our main (joint) current account as the primary account for receiving all income and handling all regular direct debits and standing orders
• We know how much & when monthly direct debits/standing orders are leaving the account(listed in a spreadsheet by date of month and category: Insurance (Life, car, house contents and building), Communications (phone, broadband, mobiles), Tax, Utilities (Water, TV licence, electricity, gas), Misc Debt (loan repayments), Mortgage or Rent
• We know how much income is coming in each month & immediately take 10% from this and syphon off into a high interest savings account
• We have a realistic Housekeeping budget kept separate from main current account (we have a separate bank account but are now trialling having monthly housekeeping money held as cash in a jar) to cover food, medicines, kids clothing, school expenses etc. We eat homecooked food and regularly plan our meals so that our weekly grocery budget is less than £50.
• We each have a small personal cash account each for ‘pocket money’ type spending (eg. beer money, cinema trips or any other luxuries hard to justify to your significant other). Use any left over each month from this to save up for big personal treat.
• Regularly visit list of anticipated discretionary spending for the coming year (eg. holiday, car MOT, Xmas food & gifts) and adjust as the predicted number become actual (eg. MOT for car predicted to be £200 was only £70) or unexpected unavoidable costs occur (eg. boiler repairs £250)
• We hold a float of £5000 in online saver account to use as an overdraft instead of using the banks overdraft facility
• Aim to have contingency fund of 3-6 months salary/expenses built up in high interest, instant access account for emergencies (unemployment, critical illness etc)
• We have a fairly clear idea of our financial goals (eg. always spend less than we earn, regularly save 10% to gather compound interest of the years, have enough to live on when we retire, not save huge sums for the children to inherit, one day have a second hand sports car and speed round a race track at weekends, enjoy some foreign travel) and periodically discuss these with each other
• At the moment we are not owners of a house and have decided for the short to medium term we are better off both financially & standard of living by continuing to rent instead of pay off a mortgage. We are lucky that we rent a nice house for a modest rent, have no maintenance worries and a landlord who likes us and has no intentions of selling the house. We keep reviewing this situation and occasionally look at houses for sale in our area to see whether we would be better off moving to a house we owned.

It feels so much nicer to be in control than breaking into a cold sweat at the merest mention of financials. I’m grateful to Bealers for getting us to a point where we can hand on heart say we manage our finances well.

January 2nd, 2008 | Category: Budgeting and Finances | Comments (1)

This recipe for Christmas Chutney is taken from ‘Delia Smith’s Christmas’. I made it for the first time tonight and have included it because it was really easy & quick to make. I can’t, however, vouch for how tasty it is as it needs about a month to mature in the jar before eating. It smells nice though and has lots of tasty ingredients in it. It took me about 10 minutes to weigh and whiz up the dried fruits and onions, a pleasant hour of simmering then about 2 minutes to spoon into 5 large jam jars.

I plan to give four jars away as Christmas presents and to keep one for ourselves to eat with cheese and ham.

Christmas Chutney

This is so-named because it is made with dried fruits, which I always associate with Christmas: prunes, dates and apricots. It’s dark, spicy and delicious with cold cuts, pork pies or hot sausages – and it goes splendidly with matured Cheddar.

Makes a 1 litre jar
Ingredients

• 12 oz (350 g) pitted ready-to-eat prunes
• 10 oz (275 g) pitted dates
• 10 oz (275 g) ready-to-eat dried apricots
• 1 lb (450 g) onions, peeled
• 1 pint (570 ml) cider vinegar
• 2 oz (50 g) sea salt
• 1 level dessertspoon grated fresh root ginger or 1 heaped teaspoon ground ginger
• 3 oz (75 g) allspice berries
• 1 lb (450 g) demerara sugar

You will also need a 1 litre jar and a small piece of muslin or gauze.

The dried fruits and the onions need to be chopped very small, and this can be done in a food processor, or with an old-fashioned mincer, or else with a sharp knife and lots of patience!

When they’re all dealt with, put the vinegar in a large saucepan with the salt and the ginger, then tie the allspice berries up in a small piece of muslin, or gauze, very securely so they can’t escape and add these to the pan. Bring everything up to the boil, then stir in the chopped dried fruits and onions together with the sugar. Leave it all to simmer very gently without a lid for about 1½ hours, or until the chutney has thickened. Stir it from time to time during the cooking period. When it’s ready, you will be able to draw a spoon across the surface of the chutney and make a trail that doesn’t immediately fill up with surplus vinegar.

In the meantime, the jar should be washed thoroughly in warm soapy water, rinsed, dried and heated in a moderate oven for 5 minutes. Spoon the cooked chutney into the warmed jar, seal well with waxed discs and tight lids, and label as soon as it’s cold. Keep this chutney for 1 month to mature before eating.

November 28th, 2007 | Category: Recipes | Leave a comment

This week I realised I have managed to gather everything I will need for the expected new addition to our family due sometime in January.

The icing on the cake was being the winning bidder on eBay for a fantastic Graco travel system/pram/pushchair/car seat (*with* senior & junior cupholders!) which is a bit of a dream come true for me as I was limited to chunky, basic twin pushchairs when expecting the twins five years ago - all my friends with solo babies were choosing lovely prams with extra added sophistication. The purchase was especially gratifying as I ‘won’ it for £17 instead of the r.r.p of £180. Definitely my kind of pram.

As I have mentioned before we have been aiming to spend as little as possible on this newbie given that so much of the kit needed to make life comfortable with a pregnant bump or a new baby is required for such a short amount of time it makes little sense spend loads buying it all brand new from the many shops selling expensive baby gear.

When we had our twins 5 years ago we spent an aboslute fortune on kitting out a nursery, a double pram, two single buggies, huge packs of disposable nappies each week, toys etc etc. I was working in the City and Bealers had a successful software business so we didn’t even flinch at the fact that within a year over £10k had been squandered on two very small beings. Yikes! It would take a long time to save that kind of money and surely there are much more fun things to buy than baby related paraphenalia?

At the begining of this pregnancy I made a list of all the things I thought we would need this time round for a baby. This was obviously much easier having gained the knowledge of what baby things we found useful last time with both kids.

I also sent a slightly grovelly message round to friends with children asking them to think of us if they were passing on any baby things to charity as we’d gladly take them off their hands. So many people have been so kind with huge bags of lovely barely used baby booty now neatly stacked up ready for action in the spare room.

Despite the desire to keep things frugal and thrifty I have still totted up a grand total of £550.

Admitedly, we did decide to buy fewthings new which I hadn’t anticipated which made the total higher than it needed to be. For example I bought a brand new Amby Nature Nest baby hammock (£180) for the young ‘un to sleep despite being given a lovely moses basket. The hammock will hopefully double up as a travel cot too when we travel to see friends & relatives. I also spent what seemed like a lot of money on six new nursing tops + two bras (about £100) as I couldn’t find the ones I wanted on eBay - I figured the amount of use/washing they get subjected to over the course of the year or so they are in action it would be wise to buy new, well fitting, well made garments.

Here is the master list of things we wanted to get prior to Junior’s arrival, where we got it from and how much money things would have been had we bought it all new from a mid-range shop (e.g Mothercare)

• GIVEN: Moses basket (Thanks Kurt & Mandy! would have been £60)
  
• GIVEN: Changing table (thanks Sam! would have been £50)
• GIVEN: [Many thanks to Nat, Jonesy, Katie and Beki! ] Cardies, jackets, socks, hats, mittens, bibs, vests & baby grow, nursing pads,boob soothers, cream x 2, blankets (would have been £100)
• GIVEN: (Many thanks to Katie) Luxury nursing pillow (’My Brest Friend’ would have been £50)
• GIVEN: (Many thanks to Katie & Beki): 2 x Pumps (would have been £50)
• GIVEN: Tommy Tippee steriliser + bottles (huge thanks to Natalie would have been £50)
• GIVEN: Monitor (thank you Jules would have been £20)
• Given via Freecycle: Reusable, washable nappies x 20 (would have been £200)
• Bought 2nd Hand: Baby swing chair [£5 NCT nearly new sale would have been £40 new]
• Bought 2nd Hand: Baby play mats [£7 NCT nearly new sale] would have been £20 new
  
• Bought 2nd Hand: Nappy soak bucket (£3 NCT nearly new sale would have been £10 new]
• Bought 2nd Hand: Bump wedge [£3 NCT nearly new sale would have been £10]
• Bought 2nd Hand: Pram [eBay £17 Graco travel system incl. infant car seat/carrier would have been £180]
• Bought 2nd Hand: Bundle of maternity clothes (eBay £9 would have been £100)

• HIRED: TENS machine (£25 hire from www.expressyourselfmums.co.uk)
• Bought new: Nursing shawl wrap (£30 from www.expressyourselfmums.co.uk)
• Bought new: reast milk freezing bags (£10 from www.expressyourselfmums.co.uk)
• Bought new: : Nursing long sleeved and t-shirt tops (6 x tops £69 from Jojomamanbebe)
• Bought new: : Pack of two fitted moses basket/pram sheets (Matalan £3)
• Bought new: : Nappy change mat (£7 Matalan)
• Bought new: Gym/birth ball (birth-ease eBay £14.99)

• Bought new: Wrap around sling (http://www.closebabycarrier.com [£49.50]

• Bought new: Nursing bras x 2 [£50]
• Bought new: Amby nature nest hammock + pack of 2 x fitted sheets [£180]
• Bought new: Maternity sweaters x 2 + black leggings, jeans etc Mothercare and Next clearance warehouse [£60]

£545 = Total Spend

Of which were unnecessary brand new luxuries: £267= £180 Amby nature Nest + sling £50 + changing mat £7 + Shawl £30

£278 = Actual cost of thrift pregnancy/newborn babe

£1500 = Estimated spend if everything on the above list had been bought from new

The next step will be to ensure that everything we have gathered for our little chick is either passed back to its previous owners if they have further use for it, advertised on Freecycle or, in the case of the expensive things we bought brand new, sold as 2nd hand on eBay.

November 28th, 2007 | Category: Baby and Pregnancy, Being Green, Frugal living | Comments (5)